New Day. New Month. New Year. Some time has slipped as I rebelled against the world of computers and tried to focus attention to attempt the icon-writing of which I am yet so blind and ignorant. So much to learn, and very grateful for Ksenia Pokrovsky and her master eye with whom I am working in a NH State Arts Council Arts Grant this year. I met with her now two times so far in my apprenticeship, and I am going to use this space to record the lessons to some extent.
1/24 ~ Being with Ksenia is a gift not to be taken for granted. Ascending the three flights into her home is a private Mt. Sinai.-- wild birds flying, the smell of cigarettes, oils and varnish and the quiet gaze of Saints, Theotokos and Christ... Time stands apart here.
It was the three of us yesterday: Ksenia, Sister Faith and myself. Much laying off of self as I had to show my meagre attempts of icon-writing--my struggle with the brush, my infinite mistakes... One has to start somewhere, and I learned a good deal in the six hours of time--especially about the need to abandon self and trust this woman wholeheartedly in the process to learn. I hope she could at least see my desire to paint in my lines and strokes that fall so short. It's like being blind--or not being able to swim--and yet I can almost feel as if I know what its like, and it makes me yearn even more to get there. I see why the master iconographers say it takes 15 years to actually become an iconographer.
A strange paradox was at work in my lesson as I could sense that she wants to train me as an artist in this sacrament, to be able eventually to move beyond being a mechanical copyist. She wants to train my eye to be able to compose, and to do that one has to immerse self into the iconic space and into the process with one who knows. I am in good hands. This is a gift and I am flooded with gratefulness.
